Superimposed

Ben stretches out his arms. He looks at the paused blurry image on the screen. It shows a schoolyard in either mid-fall or mid-spring; he could not tell which. The day is slightly overcast, and the announcer talks about all the improvements they had made to the schoolyard that year. Ben finds a good stopping point, pauses the video, checks that his mom is still sleeping, and mentally prepares.

He was not sure how this would go. Last time he was gone for two weeks. Does this time mean I will be gone for twenty-seven years? he wonders. Somehow he did not think it worked like that. His mistake last time was being seen; this time, he would be much more careful and avoid the camera. Last time he got directly involved, locking the timeline by getting in front of the camera. He will stay out of the camera’s view; this time, he will do it differently.

He chooses a somewhat quick left-to-right panning shot of the courtyard. Judging by the sun still visible in the video, he estimates it is early afternoon. He presses “Play” on the tape player and touches the far bottom left side of the TV screen. He closes his eyes.

He can see the light flood the back of his eyelids, so he opens them. He breathes deeply through his nostrils, inhaling the cool air. He peeks behind him to see the three-person camera crew. One kid is turning the camera on a tripod, one is holding the mic narrating, and the other is standing behind them with a clipboard. He does not recognize any of them.

He quickly moves away from the camera crew towards the northwest side of the school. The school’s ugly orange/brown and white colors still make him cringe. A few kids walk past him, but they are deep in talk and do not even look in Ben’s direction. His memory of the school has not faded even after all these years, as he heads towards the northwest stairs to get to the second floor. Where Ben wants to go is the southeast stairwell. He thinks it best to get off the ground level. This approach will take him where he needs to go.

He climbs up the steep flight of stairs to reach the second floor. He pauses at the top to catch his breath. He starts walking around the classrooms towards the southeast end of the building. None of the doors had windows, so he could not see inside the classes. He tries to remember which class he would have been attending now but can not.

He takes a left and then another left and starts walking towards the pedestrian bridge that connects the current building with another staircase that goes back to the ground floor. Then to another pedestrian walkway that takes you to the southeast building. As he approaches the corner, he can hear his heart thumping in his head. He considers that Sean may not be there. He may have called in sick or been in class. He can hear some kids talking and laughing as he approaches the corner. He stops himself just out of their view.

“… so I tell this kid to fuck off or else I'll hit him so hard his mother’s pussy will have a bruise on it!” This is followed by laughter from two other kids. Ben moves closer to confirm who it is. He sees Sean perched on the railing, legs dangling above the ground. One of his cronies is standing beside the stairways leaning against the support beam. And the other kid is sitting on the floor next to Sean, partially blocking the walkway. Ben always went to great lengths to avoid this section of the school when he was a kid. This is where Sean and his crew liked to hang out.

Ben stares at Sean. He had expected a flood of anger to engulf him, but now he only feels pity. Sean is much smaller than he remembered, his clothes cheaper and dirtier too. He looks poor, has a bad haircut, and is obese with a terrible case of acne.

Ben chuckles to himself. What did I come here to do? Beat up this poor stupid kid? Wouldn't life do that to him eventually? Ben laughs out loud. That gets their attention. They all fall silent and look his way. The taller, long hair kid in the back looks at Ben with a confused look.

“If you’re a teacher, we are on our lunch break and do not have to be in class until 2 p.m.,” the kid with long hair shouts towards him. Sean drops off the railing onto the floor. He is maybe five feet tall and perhaps a hundred pounds. He looks up at Ben with a defiant look in his eye.

“I am not a teacher,” Ben manages to say.

Sean looks at Ben, confused. He looks Ben up and down. “So why are you here? Are you some kind of fag?” Sean asks. His two friends giggle.

Ben’s smile starts to fade from his face, and then he looks down at what he is wearing. He has the same outfit that he wore when he came to visit his mom. He has on skinny ripped jeans and a black V-neck. He stares back at the kids; they are all dressed in baggy jeans and loose flannel button-ups. Fashionably, he must have looked out of place.

“No … I’m not.” He pauses, looking at Sean, almost cracking up in laughter again. “Sorry, I think I went the wrong way.” With that, Ben turns and starts walking away, shaking his head.

“Yeah, faggot!” Sean shouts at him. “Go back to your boyfriend so he can fuck you up the ass through them ripped jeans … Retard!” Sean's crew breaks up into laughter.

Ben feels his eyes twitch. The anger he expected to engulf him earlier rolls into his body. He turns around, blinks twice, and moves towards a still-laughing Sean. Ben stops directly in front of him.

“What did you call me?” Ben asks, staring the little kid in the eyes.

“Sean, c’mon, let's go.” The long-haired kid grabs Sean by the shoulder, looking slightly scared.

“You want a kiss, fag boy?” Sean asks, puckering his lips at Ben. “That’s why are you hanging around our school? You some kind of kid fucker?”

“What … did … you say?” Ben asks again, his hands clenched up into fists.

Sean pauses for a second. He looks towards his crew, who are now standing up. Ben can see a flash of uncertainty cross his face, but once Sean sees his friends looking at him, he turns towards Ben defiantly. “I. Called. You. A. Kid. Fuc—”

Ben grabs him by the shirt and armpits and lifts him off the ground. He walks a few feet towards the stairs.

“Hey! Hey! What are you doing—” Sean flails around in his grip.

Ben throws him down the stairs.

Ben stands aggressively tapping his finger on the edge of the TV screen. He is sweaty and breathing hard. The courtyard pan shot is again playing on the old TV. Ben removes his hand and wipes his face with his shirt. He hears the door creak open.

“Ben?” His mother asks. “Are you still awake?”

“Yes,” Ben replies, turning towards her. He moves away from the TV screen.

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“I thought I saw a light and heard some noises, and I just wanted to check in on you.” His mother looks at him through her sleepy eyes.

“I am fine, Mom. I am just about to go to sleep,” Ben assures her.

“Ok.” Ben's mother looks at his shirt. “Why are you all sweaty?”

Ben thinks fast and says, “I was doing some light workouts before bed, you know, got to watch my physique.” Ben playfully pats his stomach. This gets a smile from his mother, and she wishes him a good night.

The following day over breakfast, Ben asks her a question.

“Mom, do you remember Sean O’Connell?”

His mother looks at him apprehensively and says, “Sean? You mean Mary O’Connell’s kid?”

“Yeah,” Ben replies.

She stirs her coffee and sits there for a moment, thinking. “Oh … They moved away years ago.” His mother goes back to stirring her coffee.

“Oh.” Ben watches her stir.

“That poor boy,” Ben’s mom says with a sigh.

“Why do you say that, Mom?” Ben leans forward.

“No … it’s nothing; I just remembered her poor son. Some crazy guy attacked him at your school … Don’t you remember, Ben?”

Ben shakes his head.

“Well, it was a long time ago. It was the gossip of the whole neighborhood. If I remember correctly, Mary said her son described him as some sort of alcoholic lunatic … a crazed pervert. The poor kid broke his ankle, suffered a bad concussion, and was in a cast for months. After that incident, his mother pulled him out of school. I considered pulling you out of that school too. They never caught the guy, and Mary feared he would come back. So they left town that same year. It was such a tragedy.” She finishes stirring her coffee and takes a sip. Ben looks at his mom. He peers into his mind. In his head, there were two versions of the events. One is where Sean tormented him up to high school and the second is Sean suddenly disappearing in junior high. Ben does not know which one is true.

Ben looks at his phone and tells his mom he has to get going. After grabbing his things, he hugs her tightly at the door and vows to come to see her more. His mother kisses him on the cheek. Ben gets in his car, waves goodbye, and starts driving home. During the drive, his mind wanders to the previous night's excursion.

After throwing Sean down the stairs, Ben ran away from the school as fast as he could. He kept running until he was out of breath. Without realizing it, he finds himself on the street where he had lived. He catches his breath and starts walking. A few minutes later, he finds himself near his house. Outside is a man trying to start a lawn mower. It is his dad. Ben starts to call out to him, but as soon as he raises his hand and shouts, he is back in his old bedroom. Ben tries to enter the videotape again. He wanted to forget about Sean and talk to his dad instead. Tell him not to take the trip with his friends. Beg him if he needs to. But like Jinni’s NikNak video, the tape would not let him back in. He tries and tries again until his mom walks into the room.

Ben puts on his turn signal and enters the freeway. He drives for a few hours when tears start pouring out of his eyes. A few moments later, he cries so hard that he has to pull over to the side of the highway for fear of crashing his car. He cries like a twelve-year-old boy who has just lost his father.